Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Days

It started when I was late to work. It always starts when I'm late to work. I'm always late to work. Why can't I get up on time? Maybe I do get up on time, it's just that I live far away out of town. Maybe I need to get up earlier. Well, I'm so tired though. Why am I so tired? Maybe it's because I work two jobs. Maybe it's because I work from 8am to 9:30pm and don't get home 'til 10:00. I work so hard, and all that happens when I get to work is I get yelled at. I get emailed by the President of the company and told that trying to make some extra money and offering to housesit for people and asking people about it is soliciting. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't have like 3 houses, 4 cars, and a million dogs. I'm sorry I don't drive a brand new sporty convertible Camaro. I'm sorry I haven't made almost $1,000,000 this year. I'm sorry that I'm barely getting by on two jobs and an extra quarter each paycheck would be great, but I'll never get it. You wanna know why? Yep, because I'm late to work. Yeah, it sure would be nice to be able to make enough money to just go GOLFING all day!!!!!!!

Speak To Me

"Speak to me Lord, for Your child is here..." ~Rebecca St. James

Wendy, listen to Me. You can’t minister to anyone if you are the one who needs it at the time. You will be spent and empty and found wanting. You are always too worried about everyone else. You want to help other people so much that you constantly fail to realize that it’s you that need help! In helping others, you are able to forget what’s wrong or put your focus somewhere else. You are scared to death to come face to face with your problems enough to stare at it and say, “This is what it is, how do I get rid of it?” The other thing you do is you look to everyone else to help you, but Me! You whine to everyone, want everyone to notice and then you still feel bad. Come to Me, just come to Me. I am the only one who can truly restore you. It is the enemy who keeps you down once you’ve sunken so far. Don’t listen to him say, “You’re worthless, you’re nobody, you’re nothing, you don’t matter.” Because he knows at the heart of who you are, you want to be somebody and you want to make a difference. Wendy, you can’t do anything without Me. Apart from Me, you are fruitless, helpless, alone, and basically what you do is worthless because I’m not behind it, your own selfish desires are. You think too far and you miss the most important part of the day. When you wake up. The most important part of anyone’s day is the moment when they wake up. The moment you wake up, you have so much to be thankful for and everything is brand new. You are right, yesterday is gone and there is absolutely no way to go backwards. There is only today to live for and today to follow Me and today to love Me and share Me with others. Don’t worry about all the things you haven’t done, or need to do tomorrow, just worry about what you can do today. We’ve had this talk many times before, but you need to just put Me back on the throne. Back on the throne at work, back on the throne in your marriage, back on the throne with your family, back on the throne with your friends, and back on the throne with your ministries. Do you realize how awesome your life would be if I was Lord of it all the time? Do you realize how bad I want to be Lord of your life? Yes, you are Mine, and I am yours, and you once declared Me the Lord of your life, but you certainly do not act like it all the time. Do you realize how many people you have an effect on by the way that you act? Deb just said she saw you on the street carrying your Bible. Do you see how many lost people around you look happier than you do? You have no joy, you have no peace, and you have no motivation. Because you never want to spend time with Me and you don’t allow Me to fulfill you in any way, you feel unfulfilled in every other area of your life. Your job doesn’t satisfy you, your husband doesn’t satisfy you, your friends don’t make you feel better, and ministering doesn’t make you feel better. It’s because you’re doing it all without Me. Just stop right now and start again with Me. Right now. Right now.

Marriage

Sometimes marriage comes right down to admitting not only that you are wrong sometimes, but that you are terribly flawed and acknowledging (out-loud) what those flaws are. Just the other day I found myself struggling with the grace/unconditional love thing again. It started from a spiritual perspective, but then moved to a human one and I related it to my husband. I didn't have my journal or pen handy so I just began typing all the things I was feeling. First, I typed what I felt God was saying to me, then I responded with something like, "God, I don’t know how to love You. I don’t know how to accept Your love. I don’t know how to love others. I don’t know how to be loved. All I ever feel is how much I don’t deserve to be loved by anyone. I don’t feel like I am worth anything that would cost You Your whole life. I don’t understand why You saved me. I don’t know why You did it. I don’t know how You could do it if you knew how I would be. Thank You for that song. Thank You for people who capture the way I feel. The way so many people feel. 'How could You do it, if You knew how I would be? How could You say ‘unconditional love’?' If You knew that I would rebel against You, if You knew that I would turn away from You, if You knew that I would disrespect You and do my own thing, if You knew that I would hate You with the way I live my life. If You knew I would be so silent, when it came to sharing Your name, then why in the world did You die for me? All I hear You saying is “because I love you, that’s why.” But I don’t understand that! It doesn’t make any sense to me. Why did You die for me if this was all I was going to do with the life that You saved? Why did You die for me if all I was going to do is live for myself? My life cost You YOUR LIFE. That’s how much my life cost! You bought it with the price of Yours. The price tag written on my life and my body is, 'The Death of Jesus Christ'. How could I treat myself the way I do. How could I misrepresent You in such a way? How could I be so selfish?" Let me just say this was very liberating. Then I began to make a very honest list of the ways that I am, that are not God-honoring. This is all hard for me to admit, especially to all of you, but I found myself saying things like:

I feel like because I have a bad relationship with my mother, I don’t get along with women very well.

I feel like I have to compete with women and outdo them instead of just being their friend.

I feel like because my dad never says, “I love you” to me, I must fight for male attention.

I can get along with guys a lot easier than I can with girls.

I feel unloved by my father a lot, so therefore I feel that my husband doesn’t love me either.

I want my earthly father’s love, so no one else’s is ever good enough.

When I’m told to do something, I usually try to do the opposite.

If I don’t do the opposite of what I’m told, I will do it my own way or on my own time, to avoid being under someone else’s control.

I can’t stand being told what to do.

I am extremely independent.

I am a loner as in I’d rather spend time alone in peace and quiet than in large, noisy groups.

I would rather handle a big project by myself before I would ever ask for or welcome help.

I like getting credit or being praised for things.

I like being noticed and getting attention.

I like being right.

It’s hard for me to say, “Thank you.” And it’s hard for me to say, “I’m sorry.”

It’s hard for me to admit when I’m wrong.

I expect love, but it’s hard for me to give sometimes.

I want to be #1 in everybody’s book.

This was equally liberating, and I made an opposite list of each thing and prayed that God would change my heart and my attitudes in these areas. I know, I know, just a lot of psychoanalyzing, but for me, it was therapy. For some reason, just getting all those things out of paper has helped in my relationship with Justin immensely. I can't talk to him now without thinking first, "Am I going to say something that will hurt him?" "Would I want him to talk to me this way?" and my heart is being turned more towards serving him and making sure his needs are met. In such an inexplainable, beautiful way, he has responded back with taking care of my needs and I didn't even have to ask. By my serving him, he has seen fit to return it with his service. I've realized though, it doesn't have that much to do with us, but it does have to do with the fact that God has moved us out of the way and opened our eyes to each other in a whole new light. Anyways, just thought I'd share. It happened when we quit trying so hard to work on our marriage and do what we thought needed to be done to make things more pleasant. Just like when I knew I was going to marry Justin. He was there in my life for three years, but it wasn't until I stopped looking for a husband, that God opened my eyes and gave me Justin in a whole new way. As the great Charlie Hall once said, "Stop striving...just stop striving." Amen! Preach it! :)

Dating

On Tuesday night, my husband took me on a date. We went out for whatever I wanted to eat, which at the time was nachos from Taco Bell, then we drove to the park, and watched the sunset. Now this may not sound romantic or anything to some of you, but for me, it was the best. My husband and I were long overdue for a "date-night". I don't know how it happened, but lately we feel like we're in the dating stage again. We call each other at work every day 50 times each just to say, "I love you" or "I miss hearing your voice" or "I can't wait to see you again". I know, I know, some of you are gagging now, but for others, this is an important aspect of marriage. We have almost been married for a year now and of course, it has just flown by to us. When we were newleyweds though, we looked at other couples who had been married for a year or two and they had already progressed to the "professional stage" which we told ourselves we would never reach. This is the stage where you start taking your spouse for granted and start doing things and saying things just because you're married. Your "I love you's" no longer have meaning behind them and you stop trying to impress your mate or win them over and start putting yourself first in a sense and kind of just get lazy. Now, don't get me wrong, there also comes a time when you're married for six months or so and you then finally ease completely into it and get wonderfully comfortable with the other person and things aren't so awkward. You begin to learn their habits and mannerisms and you fit together more and it is just plain comfy and great. We didn't want to get to the stage where we are seen everywhere without the other one, we don't hold hands in public anymore, and we stop showing affection in front of our friends. Who ever said when you get married you have to stop doing this? I don't know, but it happens. It's almost like you get bored with each other and you almost feel kind of stuck. Not like a panic type of stuck, just like a "Well, doesn't look like we're going anywhere new and exciting for awhile." I guess I could describe it like driving down a straight road in the middle of New Mexico. Or worse, Texas, no WORSE, Arkansas! Boring, flat boring. Then you cross on over into Arizona and you start getting into some bigger hills and eventually you hit California where there's a million things to do and life never stops, it's always an adventure! My advice to all you married folks out there would be to always make it an adventure. Never stop trying to impress your mate, flatter them, or win them over. Always be quick to give them compliments, say "I love you" all the time, not just when it's expected, be affectionate in public, and whatever you do, don't take each other for granted! The best advice I ever heard was from our pastor, "Go back to the things you did at first." Until next time........love, love, love.

Love

Here is an excerpt from a book I'm reading, "A Survey of Bible Doctrine" by Ryrie
Any thoughts? Let me know.

God is love (1 Jn 4:8). What is love? This is one of the most often used and most infrequently defined words in our vocabulary today. Here is one way of arriving at the proper concept of what love is. When young people think of love they think first and quite naturally of a pleasant emotional experience. And this is love, but it is not the whole concept. When those same young people grow up, marry, and have children, they soon learn that they have to discipline those children. The couple that first cuddles a baby and then soon after corrects that baby who, for instance, reaches out to touch a hot stove, is expressing two aspects of love. So any definition of love must be broad enough to include both the cuddling and correcting aspects of love. Therefore, we might tentatively propose the definition that love is that which seeks good for the object loved. But anyone who rears children knows that there are as many experts on child-rearing as there are grandmothers and aunts. What is good in the opinion of one is not good in the judgment of another. For the Christian this problem of what is good is easily solved. Good is the will of God. So, putting that in our tentative definition, we may say that love is that which seeks the will of God in the object loved. Will such a definition work? Let's test it. God is love, meaning that He seeks His own will or glory, and we know that this is true. God loves the world, meaning that He seeks to have His will followed by the world. God loves sinners, meaning He wants them to know His will, and it is His desire that they believe on His Son. We are to love one another, meaning that we are to endeavor to see that the will of God is done in each other. So the definition seems to work.
The love of God seems to be of such a nature as to interest itself in the welfare of creatures in a measure beyond any normal human conception (1 Jn 3:16; Jn 3:16). It is almost beyond human conception to think of God allowing Himself to become emotionally involved with human beings. Of course the great manifestation of this was in the sacrifice of His Son for the salvation of men (1 Jn 4:9-10). The Bible also teaches that the love of God is shed abroad in the hearts of the children of God (Ro 5:8).